


The girl who wasn't tranquil and her mage

by kamiyu910



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Escapism, F/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Tranquility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamiyu910/pseuds/kamiyu910
Summary: Basically a short story about a girl who's mistaken for being tranquil, but has really locked her emotions away. Basically an exaggeration of what I do, and how I was thinking it could be similar to tranquility and wanted to see how it might work. Tranquil or not, people who don't show emotions disturb people.





	The girl who wasn't tranquil and her mage

_Ellie slowly sat up, confused by her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was leaning against a tree at the faire to take a nap, but she had woken up in a field, without a tree in sight. Perhaps the others had decided to play a joke on her. She needed to find her way back._

 

* * *

 

Ser Kynon looked over at the commotion in the field nearby, and saw what appeared to be five men fighting with a single woman. They hadn't caught sight of the Templars yet, staying focused on having their way with the woman.

“Her expression is strange.” Ser Cedric said. “Like she doesn't have one.” She'd grabbed a sword and was cutting the men down, and Kynon saw Cedric was right, she had no real expression, just a cold, unfeeling look about her. One of the men came running up to the Templars, babbling incoherently.

“Please save me! She's insane!” Kynon looked over and saw that the other men were dead, and the woman was just staring at them.

“She doesn't seem like she's coming after you now.” Steafan said. “What did you do to her?”

“We just found her, and Lyle thought... he tried to rape her...”

“And she fought back.”

“Yes, sers.”

Kynon sighed. “I don't feel like dealing with you today. You either leave now, or I'll let her deal with you.” The man bolted without a second thought. Kynon walked over to the woman, disturbed by her lack of expression. “Who might you be?”

“Ellie.”

“And what are you doing out here?”

“I don't know.” Her voice was flat as well, much like a tranquil, but without the brand. “I woke to find myself here, with no knowledge on how I arrived.”

“Maker, can a tranquil fight?” Steafan asked.

“Are you tranquil?” Kynon asked.

“What do you mean by tranquil?” She asked.

“Were you ever a mage?”

“No.” What were they supposed to do with her? She had no brand, but how could she not be tranquil?

“Do you have a home? Family? Anything?” Steafan asked.

She stared at them for a moment before responding. “I don't know.”

Cedric grew frustrated. “How can you not know? You either know or you don't.” She took a step back, continuing to stare.

“I don't know where I am.” She replied. “Therefore, I do not know if I have a place I can go. I have no home, no family.”

“Here, why don't you come with us, and we'll get you a place to stay until we can figure out where you're from?” Kynon asked. She slowly nodded, then began cleaning the sword off.

“These men have coin.” She said. “We should take it so that it can be put to good use and not left to thieves and bandits.” Kynon nodded and his men cautiously started searching the bodies for valuables.

“Do you remember what sort of life you had before you woke up here?” Kynon asked.

She stared at the ground this time, which didn't help his unease about her. “I grew up on a farm.” She said. “My father taught me to fight. They were killed when I was twelve, and I was sent to my aunt who hated me. I ran away...” Was she certain she'd never been a mage? It sounded like a very typical story of a mage child.

“But what about yesterday? What kind of life did you have then?”

“I worked, selling trinkets at a booth at a faire.” She said. “The owner of the booth was letting me stay with him.” It sounded like any other tranquil story...

“Well, we'll get you all sorted out, no worries.”

 

* * *

 

Ellie walked with the Templars, feeling like at any moment they were going to turn on her like those other men did. She was closing in on herself, too afraid to show any emotion. She was shutting down. They seemed disturbed by her, and that made her more afraid of them. She couldn't show any weakness, she had to force herself to be strong, and she would survive. She would figure out the new world, as strange as it was, and survive. What sort of world was it, that they would ask if she was a mage?

They walked until they got to a city, and while it was big, it was still very medieval looking. Everyone was wearing medieval type clothing, the technology in the area was so primitive compared to what she was used to. They took her to the docks, and ushered her onto a boat, which took her to something that looked very much like an isolated prison, like Alcatraz, and it made her blood run cold. Were these men she was with jailers then? Would she be free to leave? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Once they'd docked, Ser Kynon led her to a man dressed as the others were, in silver armor with red robes. This one seemed younger than Kynon, and he had curly blond hair. He eyed her with suspicion as she was pushed forward.

“Knight-Captain Cullen ser, this woman was found in a field, being attacked by a group of men.” Kynon said. “She... well, she acts like she's tranquil. We couldn't just leave her, she says she has no home or family, and if she is tranquil...”

“But she doesn't bear the brand.” The knight-captain said. Kynon shrugged in return. Cullen turned to her. “What is your name?”

“Ellie.”

“And you claim you're not a mage?”

“I am not.” She wondered why that seemed to be so important to them, and why they kept asking her, and what tranquil even meant to them. It certainly seemed to have a connotation outside of her knowledge.

“Tell the knight-captain what you told me, about what you were doing before you woke up in the field.” Kynon said.

“I had been working, selling trinkets at a booth at a faire.” She said.

“You're right, she does seem tranquil.” Cullen seemed disturbed by her as well, and it made her more nervous. What could she do to prove to them that she was not tranquil? What did that even mean? Maybe she was and she just didn't know it. “We'll put her with the armorer for now, he's been bugging me for help lately, and see how she does.” Well, it seemed they'd at least have a job for her, and she'd probably get food and a place to sleep, so she couldn't complain too much. She felt so numb and confused.

 

* * *

 

“Hawke! Good to see you again.” Cullen called to the warrior as he entered the Gallows. Wondering if there was a new job to be had, Hawke went over to the knight-captain.

“Cullen, how have you been?” He asked.

“Actually, there was something I wanted to speak with you about.” Cullen said. “There's a woman that was recently brought in, and it was at first suspected that she's tranquil. She doesn't bear the brand, and she seems like it, but I'm not entirely sure what to do with her.”

“Surely if she seems like it, she would be?” Hawke asked.

“I don't know how to explain it.” Cullen seemed frustrated. “She knows how to fight, and was found defending herself against a group of men who were trying to take advantage of her. I've never heard of a tranquil doing that before, quite the contrary.”

“I suppose she could just be reclusive?”

“Why don't you come meet her and see for yourself?” Cullen asked. “Perhaps you can think of a place that could benefit from her help. I can't keep her here.”

“Then show me to her.” Hawke followed the Templar to a booth where a woman with long brown hair stood with a vacant stare. Her dark blue eyes focused on him.

“May I help you?” She asked, monotone.

“This is Hawke, he's helped us out before, and he wanted to meet you.” Cullen said.

“What sort of skills do you have?” Hawke asked.

“I have proficient knowledge in sword fighting and hand to hand, as well as herbology and healing.” She said. “I used to work with a healer.”

“Used to?” Hawke asked. “What happened?”

“The clinic I worked at was destroyed and the healer killed.” She said. “It was rumored he started the fire in a fit of rage. They never told me.” Hawke glanced at Cullen, eyebrow raised, and Cullen shrugged.

“See what I mean?”

“I think I know where I can take her.” Hawke said.

“I'm to leave then?” Ellie asked.

“Yes. Do you have any belongings?” Cullen asked, to which she shook her head. Of course the tranquil wouldn't have anything. “Then you may leave now. It was... um, a pleasure to have met you.” A painful lie, but the woman didn't seem to notice. She walked over to Hawke and stared at him, so he nodded goodbye to Cullen and started walking to the dock with Ellie following silently.

While on the boat, she stared into the water, and Hawke wondered if she really was tranquil. “What was it like in the Gallows?” He asked. “Did you enjoy it?”

She looked up at him. “It was something to do.” She said. “I was fed, clothed, housed. I have no complaints.” What was something he could ask that could determine for certain whether she was tranquil or not? What if she just naturally had no emotions or expressions?

“What do you think of how the mages are treated?” He asked. “Do you agree with them being locked up like that, or do you think it's necessary?”

“I do not have enough knowledge on the subject to make an educated decision.” She replied. It was something that always got Anders heated up at least.

“The man I'm taking you to work for is a mage, a healer, who runs a free clinic for the poor in Darktown.” Hawke said. “Since you said you know herbs and healing, I figured it would be the best place to put you.” And perhaps it would distract Anders from whatever crazy plan he was thinking of.

“I will do my best.” She said.

“What if I told you he's an abomination?”

“I would not believe you.” She said. “An abomination would not be able to run a clinic to heal people.”

“He can, actually. I suppose calling him an abomination isn't quite accurate... he is still himself, so to speak, but every so often, Justice comes out in a fit of rage, and there was this one time he almost killed a girl because she called him a demon.” There almost seemed to be a flash of fear in her eyes, but it was quickly masked, making Hawke feel like he'd imagined it. Was she just that good at hiding herself?

“I assume he has not hurt anyone.”

Hawke sighed. “No, he has not... no one innocent anyway.” The conversation died after that, and it wasn't until they were almost to the clinic that Hawke said anything again.

“You need to be careful in Darktown.” He said. “I know you know how to fight, but there are a lot of unsavory people about, desperate people, and real abominations. I want you to stay safe, so stay in the clinic, unless Anders tells you otherwise.”

“Anders is the healer?”

“Yes. I've known him for maybe six years now?” Hawke said. “He's helped me out quite a bit, and I consider him a good friend, so you take care of him. If I've heard anything contrary...”

“You will not.” She said, a slight catch in her voice.

“Are you afraid?” He asked.

“No.” It sounded like a lie, but he decided to drop it. They walked into the clinic and Anders looked up at them, surprised.

“Hawke, I didn't expect you to come back.” The healer said. “Who is this?”

“Well... Anders, this is Ellie. Ellie, Anders.” Hawke said.

“I am pleased to meet you.” Ellie said. “I will work hard for you.”

Anders looked confused. “What does she mean, Hawke? What's going on?”

“Well, see, the Templars don't know what to do with her.” Hawke said. “And she said she's worked with a healer before and knows herbs, and she can fight, so I thought, you could use the help.”

“Are you tranquil?” Anders asked. “You don't have the brand, but you sound it...”

“I have never been a mage.” She said.

“Yes but...” Anders stopped, bewildered.

“I don't know what else to do.” Hawke said. “I don't think she is tranquil, but I can't tell for certain.”

“Why does it matter if I am tranquil or not?” She asked. “I am a good worker who requires very little.”

“You can't possibly ask me to do this.” Anders said. “I can't work with a tranquil.” Hawke looked exasperated.

“Wait here.” He told Ellie, then pulled Anders to the side, out of earshot. “But what if she's not?” He asked. “What if she's just terrified, and is really good at hiding herself?”

“Do you really think that's the case?” Anders asked. “Look at her! She acts like she's been stripped of everything human inside of her.”

“No one has tried to get to know her yet.” Hawke said. “I figured you would have the best chance at figuring out the truth. I've seen emotion in her eyes, just little bits... And if she really is tranquil, I'm sorry. Please, just give her a trial period?”

“Fine.”

“What exactly is it that you have against working with the tranquil?”

“I don't like being reminded of what the Templars hold over us, what they can do to us, stripping us of everything just because they feel like it.”

“All right, I'll give you that... but try not to take it out on her. I think she's just feeling lost.”

“I will try to keep that in mind.” Anders sighed.

“Thank you. I'll make it up to you, don't worry.” Hawke clapped him on the back and walked out.

 

* * *

 

Anders stared at the woman he was supposed to use as a helper, annoyed that he would be faced with a reminder of what could happen, what happened to Karl, what happened to many others... But he told Hawke he wouldn't hold it against her, and if Hawke was right and she wasn't tranquil, then treating her like anything less than human would only make it worse.

“Come on, I'll show you where you can sleep.” He said, walking to the back. Not knowing what else to do, he grabbed a rolled up mattress and took it to his own room. He figured she could use some privacy, just in case. He put the mattress down on the far wall, opposite his own bed, and rolled it out.

“Thank you.” She said.

“So you worked with a healer before?” He asked, trying to make small talk. Could you make small talk with a tranquil?

“Yes, until the clinic was destroyed. They said the healer burnt it down in a rage.” Did she mean he was possessed by a rage demon? Even better... how would she feel about Justice?

“I'm sorry.” He said, not knowing what else to say. “I'll get you a blanket and pillow later, but first, how about I show you around the clinic so you can get used to where things are?”

 

* * *

 

During the first day, Anders could see what Hawke was talking about. Flashes of emotion that made him wonder if he had seen anything at all, a twitch of a smile over something a child did. He also couldn't deny she was a hard worker, and very well organized. By the second day, his clinic had never looked better, but he couldn't get over her lack of emotion and he was bothered by how disturbed he was by it.

 

* * *

 

Hawke came back to the clinic after Ellie had been there for a couple of weeks, with Varric tagging along. She was methodically putting potions away when they arrived, still looking the same.

“Hawke, Varric, what brings you here?” Anders asked.

“I was wondering if you'd managed to get anywhere with the girl.” Hawke continued to watch her.

“Not exactly.” Anders shrugged. “I can't get her to open up to me, though I've not had much opportunity.”

“If she's spent her whole life hiding, I doubt it's something easy for her to do.” Varric said, wandering over to her. “Hey there, Ellie, right? I'm Varric.” She turned to look at him.

“It's good to meet you.” She said. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Actually yes, I was wondering if you knew where your emotions went.”

“I do.” She said. “They are inside of me.”

“And I don't suppose you'll be letting them out any time soon?” He grinned, but her expression stayed the same.

“No.” She turned and went back to sorting the potions, leaving Varric feeling perplexed.

“Ellie, perhaps you should take a break.” Anders said.

“Very well.” She said, and then headed into the back.

“I believe she was hurt very deeply and hides herself away out of fear.” Anders said. “Or perhaps she really is tranquil...”

“You've seen this before?” Hawke asked.

“Not to this extent, but similar, in the Circle.”

“I'm sorry. Keep me informed.” Anders watched them leave, but he knew it wouldn't matter because there was going to be a war soon, and he probably wasn't going to survive it. There was no telling what would happen with Ellie, since she didn't have the mark of tranquility, but the Templars might strike her down anyway. Perhaps he could convince Hawke to take her somewhere. Somehow, he'd begun caring about her, something he'd never expected. How could he care for a tranquil in any way? They were mindless, stripped of everything human... unable to feel or dream. Yet he was worried for her nonetheless.

 

* * *

 

Ellie knew something was going on with her master, or whatever he was to her. She wasn't paid, but he was the one who told her what to do and fed her, and she was worried about him. She knew enough chemistry to know that he wasn't planning on making a potion, and so she'd been stalking him. By being emotionless, people tended to ignore her, or flat out avoid her, so it was easier for her to move around, and that was how she realized he was going to blow something up, not that she could talk to him about it. Then one day, Anders pulled her to the side and looked at her oddly.

“I doubt you'll care, but I'm leaving tonight.” He said. “I want you to stay here, where it's safe, do you understand?”

“I do.” She replied, but she was going to follow him anyway. She cared for him and many times she'd almost let her guard down to show emotion. Of all the people, he wouldn't hold it against her, he wouldn't bully her like the people back home had. He had been the subject of bullying for too long, she'd learned, so why would he in turn bully others? But every time, she lost her nerve, and that 'what if' voice popped back into her head.

“You've been a great help, and I appreciate it. I hope you... well, take care of yourself.” He still seemed disturbed by her, and she wished she could change that.

“Thank you.” She said. “Be safe.” To her surprise, he put his hand on the back of her head and gently kissed her before hurrying off. After she'd gotten over her shock, she grabbed the sword she'd stashed and buckled it on as she followed him. She wished she had armor, but at least she had a sword, and she was determined to protect her master at all cost. What better purpose could her life have than that? She was tired of the depression that had been plaguing her, that she'd been hiding out of fear. She was tired of the anxiety. If he was going to leave, then she would follow, especially if he truly cared about her, despite how much she bothered him.

She followed him to Lowtown, where a large group of people stood arguing at the steps leading to Hightown, including Hawke. She watched as Anders stepped forward and started yelling at them about the oppression of mages, and then he said it was too late.

“Anders, what have you done?” Hawke asked, and then the Chantry exploded. Chaos rained down on them and the Templars attacked Hawke and his friends while the mages fled. Anders sat down on a box and stared at the ground, and Ellie worried for him, wondering if he was going to suicide.

 

* * *

 

When Hawke stood behind the him, Anders said, “There isn't anything you can say that I haven't already said to myself. Vengeance... took me over. I couldn't stop him. Justice once told me that demons are just spirits perverted by their desires. I made my friend a demon. And he did this. Kill me now before there is nothing left of me.” The guilt he felt was eating at him, and there was only one way for the people he just killed to have justice, and for Justice to be free.

“I know you would have stopped it if you could.” Hawke said, slowly pulling a dagger out. Suddenly, Ellie was between Hawke and Anders with her sword out, staring at the Champion with her emotionless face.

“Ellie, what are you doing?” Anders gasped, standing up.

“Hawke told me to take care of you.” She said, still looking at Hawke. “He threatened me, that if anything happened to you, there would be consequences. I cannot let anything happen to you. You are my master and I will protect you.” Hawke suddenly started laughing and put the dagger away.

“Maker, what have I done?” He asked. “Anders, go on, live. I have to get to the Gallows... but perhaps one day we might meet again, on friendlier terms.”

“This was not something I expected...” Anders said, bewildered. “But, thank you. It was good to have known you.”

“And you, my friend.” Hawke took off running. Ellie sheathed her sword and looked at Anders, but he wasn't sure what to do with her.

“I told you to stay at the clinic.” He said. “If you're so concerned with orders, why did you ignore that one? And please don't call me master.”

“Protecting you supersedes any other order.” She said. “I apologize, but it had to be done.”

“Do you understand what I've just done?” He asked. “I was supposed to die here. I need to leave. There is nowhere now that will show me mercy.”

“I will go with you and protect you.” She said. “I can hunt and cook as well.”

“No, you should stay here.” He said, though he realized she would probably die if she did. There wasn't much hope for her life, whether she stayed or went with him, but how could he take a tranquil with him?

“To what end?” She asked.

“Maker, do you truly have no emotions?” He cried, frustrated. Angry with himself, he paralyzed her and ran away, hoping she wouldn't try to follow.

 

* * *

 

The paralyze spell didn't last very long, and Ellie took off after her master. She spotted him, but kept her distance, not wanting him to try something more drastic to keep her away from him. Was he truly so bothered by her? She wiped a tear away and furrowed her brow in anger, mostly at herself for having messed up so badly. She should have confided in him, to let him know that she did have emotions, that she wasn't tranquil, but it was so difficult.

She tailed him out of the city, making sure to stay out of sight, and wondered what sort of life she was going to end up having. Would he spot her and attack her out of frustration? She had nothing left to her but him, and she cared too much for him to abandon him.

 

* * *

 

On the first morning after leaving Kirkwall, Anders continued on into the Planasene forest, wondering if he could hide out there for a time. It was dense enough, if he went off the path for a ways, no one would find him, but would he be able to get food to survive? He found himself regretting leaving Ellie behind, if only for the company. Even the tranquil could be better company, he supposed, than the silence.

He ventured off the path, but then heard the sounds of fighting behind him. He went to look, pulling out his staff, but by the time he was able to see what the noise was about, the fighting had stopped. A lone figure stood there, with sword and a shield out, wearing armor, and then they began meticulously cleaning the sword. Anders watched for a while as the person raided the bodies. There was something familiar about the fighter, but he couldn't quite place it until she turned and their eyes met.

“Ellie?” Anders stared in disbelief. She darted away and vanished into the forest. “Ellie! Please come back!” He called. Was she still holding to the order to protect him above all else? How could a tranquil act in such a way? He tried to follow her, but her path was well hidden.

“Ellie, I just want to talk, I swear to you I won't use magic on you.” He said. “I won't chase you away.”

“You don't like me.” He turned and saw her staring at him with unfeeling eyes.

“That's not true.”

“You believe me to be tranquil, and that bothers you.” She continued. “You consider the tranquil to be a cold reminder of what the Templars hold over you, and you cannot look at me without that reminder.”

“I'm sorry.” He said. “I've tried not to hold it against you, but... after losing Karl especially, it's hard. But please, stay with me. I don't dislike you, and any company is preferable right now.”

“If you're certain.”

“I am. Have you been following me this whole time?”

“Yes. There were a few bandits and rogues I've had to fight off, so I'm glad I followed.”

“Help me find a place to stay the night, then.” He said. She nodded and they started walking through the forest. They eventually came to a small clearing sheltered by a rocky hill as the sun neared the horizon. Ellie immediately began building up wood for a fire, and a spit to roast meat, then pulled out her bow.

“I will hunt.” She said. He nodded and watched her walk quietly into the forest, thinking about how well her staying with him would work as he set up the rest of the camp, then lit the fire so it would be ready when she got back.

When she came back, she was holding a couple of rabbits, their blood already drained. Laying down a bit of fabric, she began skinning her prey. Anders watched as she gutted them and then stuck them on the spit in silence.

“What was your life like, as a child?” He asked. She didn't even look at him, just watched the meat as she turned it.

“It was lonely.” She said. “I was not liked, I was shunned. My parents were harsh and strict. When they died when I was twelve, I had no friends. I went to live with my aunt who hated me, so I ran away.”

“I'm sorry, that can't have been easy.” He said. She shrugged and stayed quiet, so he sat there in awkward silence. He still wondered if she was only afraid, and that was why she wouldn't show emotion, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He remembered what she'd told Varric, that her emotions were inside her, and that seemed like the biggest clue.

Anders went to lay down on his bedroll after they'd finished eating, then realized she didn't have anything, no bedroll, no blanket, nothing.

“Here, you take the roll.” He said. She merely shook her head and leaned up against a tree, closing her eyes. “Why not? You surely cannot be comfortable.” With how obstinate she was, there was no way she could be tranquil. The question was, how could he get her to show emotion? If she'd been abused and forced to hide her emotions, then it would be difficult for her to show them again.

“I am comfortable enough.” She said.

“Do I frighten you?” He asked. She opened her eyes and stared at him with her unfeeling eyes.

“No.” She said. He gave up and sat down on the bedroll.

“Goodnight, then.” He said. He doused the fire and checked his wards, to make sure they wouldn't be taken unaware while they slept, then settled down. Even with the roll it was uncomfortable, but it was better than nothing, and he was used to it.

 

* * *

 

Ellie watched as Anders laid down to sleep, and wondered if she should at least try to show some emotion. Surely he of all people deserved it, and with how upset her being emotionless made him, she shouldn't put him through that. Yet, even for as disturbed by her as he was, he still wanted to have her around. Was he only feeling sorry for her? But then why would he have kissed her goodbye? Surely his feelings were more complicated.

She nestled against the tree, trying to get comfortable, but her mind was in too much turmoil to let her sleep. It was finally dawning on her what her master had done, that he was a fugitive now, and so was she by following him. How many people had he killed? She knew it was because of the demon, and she was frightened of that showing itself, of it attacking her, and even though it resided inside Anders, she didn't consider it part of him, and she wasn't afraid of _him_.

What would happen if they were caught by the Templars? Would they kill her too? Would she fight them for her master? She'd stood up to Hawke, why wouldn't she fight the Templars for Anders? She was an outlaw, there was no life for her anymore except by Anders' side. She felt the tears she'd been struggling to hold back for months escape, so she bit her gloved finger and tried not to make a noise while she cried. Anders didn't need to know she could cry, not then.

 

* * *

 

Sometime in the night, Ellie was woken by Anders muttering something in his sleep, and looked over. She knew he had nightmares, something about being a Warden, whatever that was, but she'd never heard him actually speak in his sleep before. She crawled over to him, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. Suddenly, his eyes shot open glowing blue and he grabbed her. Terrified, she just sat there as he blinked and the glowing went away. He seemed to realize he was gripping her and let go as he started crying. Not sure what else to do, she wrapped her arms around him awkwardly, and just held him as he cried.

After a while, he fell asleep in her arms and she gently laid him down, lying with him. Even if it was only a one night thing, she cherished it.

 

* * *

 

Anders woke with a start, feeling someone beside him move, and looked to see Ellie lying there in his arms. What had happened that she would be there? She looked so peaceful, and wondered if she ever had nightmares, if she dreamed at all. He slowly moved away from her and got up, the air cold and crisp in the early morning. A light fog lay over the camp and he wondered how far he should go to get away from Kirkwall. Part of him was tempted to leave Ellie there, she didn't need to be stuck with a monster like he was, but she'd already done so much for him, he couldn't.

Her dedication to him was something he couldn't understand, but was yet another reason he couldn't believe her tranquil. She seemed to lack the emotion and expression, but she had no problem exerting her own free will. If she put her mind to something, she would do it, even if it meant going up against Hawke. Would she have fought Hawke for him? Or had she gambled on him backing down? Either way, she had risked her life to save his, on more than one occasion, taking out the bandits on the road as well, and he needed to pay her back somehow.

He knelt down beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Ellie, we need to get going.” He said. She sat up and blinked at him, then nodded. “Why were you sleeping with me?” He asked.

“You were speaking in your sleep.” She said. “You had a nightmare. When I touched you, you grabbed me, your eyes were glowing, and then you started crying, so I stayed with you.” He had no memory of it happening and he felt embarrassed.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you...” He said, frowning.

“Are you all right?” She asked, still strangely without emotion. “I am here, you can talk to me...” Then she looked down, and he wasn't sure if there was emotion or not, but it was something else. “I am not the best to talk to I suppose. I'm not sure I can offer you what you need.” Whether there was emotion on her face or not, that statement in itself expressed regret.

“What more could I need than someone willing to listen?” He asked.

“Someone who can properly reciprocate your feelings.” She said. “Someone not like me.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to look in her eyes, but she continued to look at the ground.

“There is nothing wrong with you.” He said firmly. “You have done so much for me in just the short time you've known me, without question, risking your life to save mine. You stood up against Hawke for me! And I tried to chase you off like a fool, yet you still came back. I do not deserve your loyalty. Whatever happened to you in your life to make you like you are, you do not deserve to be treated poorly just for being who you are.”

“Thank you.” She said, looking up. There was a slight hint of confusion, and he wondered if he couldn't get her to bring her emotions back to the surface.

“I am glad to have you with me.” He said. “For however long you decide to stay. We should find somewhere else to camp today, I want to head back to Ferelden, I think, hide out in the Hinterlands.”

“Then we should leave.” She said.

 

* * *

 

They made their way to Cumberland, though before they reached the outskirts of the city, Anders changed his clothes to something more plain. There was nothing he could do about Ellie's look, but he doubted they were aware of her anyway. He gathered his hair up on the top of his head and cut it to further prevent recognition. Ellie said nothing, but he could see her watching him with curiosity.

“Are you ready to find a boat?” He asked. He'd saved enough coin with Hawke to pay for their passage, though having her with him would make his money disappear fast if he couldn't find a way to make it back. Perhaps he could make a new life for himself as a traditional healer, or even get himself a farm.

“Yes.” She said. They made their way towards the city, a place far bigger than Kirkwall, and he wondered if he'd be noticed. They had to have heard what had happened in Kirkwall, but would they have his description? He could feel Justice burning with anger inside, and he knew if there were Templars, he would not be able to control Vengeance any longer.

They continued walking towards the port, and he noticed Ellie looking around at everything, another sign she wasn't tranquil. She had too much curiosity. Watching her, he felt a strong feeling of protection towards her, even though Justice wasn't concerned with her. It was strange how far apart he and Justice had grown. He remembered telling Hawke when he'd first met him all those years ago, that he couldn't tell where he ended and Justice began. Now, it was a stark difference, though since Kirkwall, the spirit had stayed fairly quiet.

There in the market were so many booths full of delicious smelling food, and Anders wondered if he'd have enough to buy something, when Ellie walked up to a cart and bought some bread. He looked at her, confused, as she walked back and handed him a roll.

“Where did you get money?” He asked.

“The bandits I killed.” She said, taking a bite. “We haven't eaten today, we must keep up our strength.”

“Thank you.” He said. It didn't take long before the roll was finished, but it did make him feel a lot better. Somehow, after they left the market, they found themselves lost, unable to find the port. Anders thought it would be easy, since the sea was right there, but the cobblestone streets twisted in odd directions.

“Halt where you stand!” Anders grimaced as he saw the Templars, and struggled to maintain control over Vengeance.

“Is there a problem?” He asked, trying to stay calm.

“You're a mage, and judging by your description, a very wanted apostate.” One of the Templars pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with a crude drawing on it.

“Are you saying that's supposed to be me?” He asked.

“The description matches!” The Templar yelled. “And look, you have your tranquil slave with you still as well.”

“She is not a slave.” Anders growled, unable to control Vengeance any longer.

 

* * *

 

Ellie could tell it was going to end badly for them and prepared herself to fight the Templars. At the very least, there were only two of them, but why did his damnable demon have to make itself known then? She pulled her sword out at the same time the Templars did, and watched as Anders – or Vengeance – twirled his staff before full on attacking. Ellie didn't get much chance to do anything, until, to her shock and horror, Anders was stabbed through the gut by the last remaining Templar. Ellie quickly stabbed the Templar in the neck and sheathed her sword without even bothering to wipe it down.

“Anders, please...” She was crying too hard, gripping his clothing, but he wasn't moving. “Damn you, demon! I gave up everything for him and you go and got him killed!” She pressed her head against his chest, begging, praying, for a miracle. She heard a small gasp, and felt his heart start back up. Not one to question it, she picked him up and just walked. No one stopped her, with her emotionless eyes staring straight ahead, and soon she found herself in the wilderness. She continued walking, off the path, not paying any attention to where she was going, not caring that her arms were about to fall off in pain, until she finally couldn't go any further. She laid him down gently and fell to her knees beside him.

The wound had been healed, yet he was still unconscious and then she realized he was shaking as if he was cold. She quickly took her armor off and laid down on top of him, hoping to help him.

“Anders, please, please don't die on me.” She started crying again, wishing she was a mage so she could heal him better. Why was he still asleep? She continued to pray while she laid on him, and eventually, she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

The warmth pressing on him felt good, calming the chills that shook his body. Anders was in pain, but it was a strange pain, one he couldn't seem to heal. It was as if there was a hole in his mind, and then it struck him, Justice was gone. What had happened? He vaguely remembered Templars, and then nothing until the pain. He slowly became aware that the warmth and weight was coming from Ellie lying on top of him, and soon, he was regaining movement. His movements were slow and painful, but he wrapped his arms around Ellie.

She murmured, then shifted a little before she realized what he'd done and gasped.

“Anders!” She had a lot of emotion in her voice and it surprised him. “Anders... I thought... I thought...” She started crying, so he just held her, then kissed her head.

“Thank you.” He said, his voice hoarse. “I'll be all right.”

“I didn't know what was wrong!” She sobbed. “You wouldn't wake up, but you were healed!”

“Justice... I think Justice sacrificed himself for me.” He said.

“Then you're free?” She asked.

“It seems to have set you free as well.” He chuckled, then coughed. Oh how his body hurt!

“I can't control it.” She said. “Seeing you get stabbed like that, I lost control. I can't stop crying.”

“That's what happens when you lock yourself away...” He murmured, feeling exhausted.

“I didn't have a choice!” She cried. “I couldn't show any weakness, I couldn't let them know if something bothered me. I couldn't let them know if I cared about something... or they would destroy it...” She started sobbing again, so hard he was worried she'd stop breathing. He was right, though, that she'd been through a rough childhood that had forced her to hide herself away.

“Similar to us in the tower...” He sighed. “It gave the Templars too much power if there was something you couldn't stand to lose, so we kept it hidden. I can't say anyone ever hid their emotions completely, though, not like you do.”

“I'll try not to so much around you.” She said, pushing herself up a bit to look at him. “I've been trying harder lately, but it's so difficult after so long.” She was so close to him, he put his hand on the back of her head and kissed her deeply on the lips. She jumped up and scooted away as she stared at him.

“I'm sorry...” He said, wondering if he'd been mistaken, or if he'd just scared her.

“I...” She seemed to be at a loss for words.

“I won't do it again.” He tried to look at her, but moving that much was still too exhausting.

“No! I mean, I'm just... no, it's not...” She crawled back over to him. “Don't feel bad, I... I love you, Anders, I have for a while. I've just... I've never kissed anyone before you, and I didn't expect anything now, not with you as you are... how can you feel that way about me? I thought...”

“You thought I didn't like you.” Anders closed his eyes. “And I did nothing to help that.”

“Neither did I.” She said. “When you get better, perhaps we can finish this conversation. For now, I think we both need more rest. I can see the pain in your face.” Her voice had started going more monotone again as she calmed down, but having seen her full of emotion filled him with love for her, and the desire to protect her only grew.

“Yes, apparently being stabbed and stripped of a spirit is a painful process.” He tried to laugh. “When I'm better, let's find a farm, and live peacefully away from everyone else, just you and me.”

“I would love that.” She said, smiling awkwardly. “I think I've had enough excitement for my life.” He slowly brought his hand up to her face and she leaned down, kissing him, cautiously at first but then with more passion.

“I love you, Ellie.” He said.

“I love you too, Anders.” She replied, then laid down on him again. “Let's get some more rest, and we'll worry about tomorrow later.”

 

* * *

 

Word spread quickly that Anders had been killed in Cumberland, and his tranquil slave, as they called her, had been seen carrying his body out of the city, and into the wilderness. No one had seen them since, but Hawke knew the truth. He was on the run himself, with Fenris, and the moment he'd heard the rumor, he went searching for them, to at least say goodbye one last time to his friend, and perhaps to help Ellie. What would she do without Anders? He couldn't imagine being without Fenris, and he wasn't even tranquil.

But instead of finding a tranquil woman with a dead body, he found an emotional woman with an injured mage hiding deep in a forest. It had taken him a while to find them, but there had been a faint trail left of when they'd left the forest to get back to the road, and then when they returned to the forest, perhaps to rest. He hadn't thought it was them at first, being that there were two sets of tracks, but he decided to follow them anyway. Even Fenris didn't try to convince him to abandon it.

When he found them, with Ellie lying on top of Anders, he'd been shocked. Anders had had his arms wrapped around the woman, and he was obviously not dead, but then Ellie had jumped up and grabbed her sword, her face twisted in fear and anger as tears streaked down her face.

“You're alive!” Hawke had exclaimed. “And you have feelings!”

“You won't have him.” She'd growled. “I killed Templars to save him, don't make me hurt you too. You're an honorable man, Hawke.”

“I never wanted to hurt him.” Hawke had said. “I still consider him a friend.” They'd ended up talking for a while, and Hawke helped them get to a farm up in Nevarra, where no one would bother them. He promised to visit them again, and keep in touch. He had left them, and wandered Thedas himself, with Fenris by his side, wondering what adventures awaited.

 


End file.
